Because I don’t know if I want to get married
As I scroll through Facebook, the fifth time for the day, I mindlessly read shared post after shared post. I make sure to “like” my friends’ photos of their recent weddings, baby announcements, engagement pictures, etc.
I catch myself rolling my eyes as I close the app and start to notice something about myself. It’s not that strange actually; most people probably feel it after leaving Facebook.
I don’t feel good.
I feel annoyed, and, the easiest way to put it, is I feel just wrong. Wrong as a person and wrong for not doing something others do.
I think about this for a moment and realize I am ashamed of myself for not wanting what all of my friends want and advertise to me on a daily basis.
Marriage is Not in My Near Future
I’m 31 years old, and I work a lot, but I play a lot too. So that’s not it.
I dated a lot in college and had high school sweethearts, but for the past two years, my dating life became less and less important to me. Maybe it’s the drama of trying to fit two lifestyles into one life, but to be honest, I just didn’t have the energy for it anymore.
To be honest, I enjoy not answering to someone else every day.
I’ve become comfortable with myself, and being by myself. In fact, I like it…a lot.
I like men, but as fate would have it, I’ve watched many of my friends get married and the more weddings I went to, the more the whole idea lost its luster.
It Seemed so Methodical
Now, I don’t know if the method came before the Facebook showboating, but I do know that I’ve learned what the path to marriage should look by watching the majority of people my age walk it:
Step One: Date for two years. Maybe move in together, and wait for the engagement ring at Christmas.-Facebook Post 1: Ring Shot
-Facebook Post 2: Hand on fiance's chest showcasing the rock
-Facebook Posts 4,5,6,7,8,9,9,10: Engagement PhotosStep Two: Set the date and make a huge deal out of one day. Spend $1,000’s of dollars on one day and go into deep debt.-Facebook Post 1: Tag all bridesmaids in a group selfie
-Facebook Post 2: Bridal Shower photos of bride sitting uncomfortably on a folding chair, dressed in white, with a sash of some sort.
-Facebook Post 3: Bachelorette Party photos with tiara, sash, penis strawsStep Three: Big day. Rub it in to friends for the next few months. This covers the next 4-6 months of photos.
Facebook Post 1: Change Relationship Status
Facebook Post 2: Remind everyone how happy you are, and thank all of your friends and family.
Facebook Post 3: HoneymoonStep Four: Baby announcement no more than 1 year later.
Facebook Post 1: Cliche announcement post with wooden sign, chalkboard, little baby booties, with a pun about last name.
Well, the likes and loves and compliments are flying in. These friends fill my feed constantly. It doesn’t stop there either. Baby pictures of naked babies on straw-bales and with scarves.
Mommy memes, and 1st day of school photos like clockwork every September.
I get it, that’s the point of Facebook, to keep up with each other, and show off your wonderful life. I could just get rid of it; and, actually, I have resolved to spend less time on it.
My point is, I won’t be doing any of this.
I don’t want it, it’s not for me. On the outside, it looks shiny and new, but not everyone can be exactly as happy as the other person, and that’s what this looks like. It looks like if you follow this recipe, you will produce the perfectly browned latticed pie of life.
So, if I continue to take selfies with my dog, my single friends, or post pictures of my raises, performance evaluations, degrees, and continue to age on my own terms, will you be happy for me? Will you like all of my posts too? Tell me I’m beautiful and cute? — Tweet This!
Or will you wonder what is wrong with me? Will you feel bad for me even though I am happy. Will you ask me constantly about my dating life?
Will you think of me at all if you don’t see me on your feed showing off my life? Or will I disappear into your memory because I am not in front of your face proving that I am following the recipe?
Let’s be friends…
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