Because I’m not sure I want to have kids.
Since marrying my husband, two years ago, the same questions pop up time and time again at all social functions we attend.
So, any plans for kids?
When will we start hearing the pitter-patter of little feet?
Grandma is getting old, do you think she cares if you don’t have kids?
Well, you are drinking so you must not be pregnant.
That last one blew my mind. Am I under that much scrutiny that my family and friends are using clues to determine if I am pregnant yet!?
It makes me wonder how much my weight is monitored by those around me, and how intensely some of them are looking for a baby bump. I’ve gained quite a bit since getting married. I wonder if they are disappointed to find out its just good eating and not a baby.
As my husband and I age, and as more time passes between our wedding day and the present moment, the more intense this social lens has become. People have become less polite about the question, and more aggressive.
The truth is, my husband and I never really had a firm answer to these prying questions. We are a couple that takes things one day at a time, and neither of us has the urge to procreate. We are in our mid 30’s, and we are enjoying each other very much.
At first, my answer was always, “Yes, in the future…most likely.”
Then it turned into, “Well, I’m not so sure.”
And after seeing skepticism in the “interviewers” eyes, I would go on to add, “I know…my biological clock is ticking.”
So they wouldn’t have to remind me that I’m getting older.
Now, my internal reaction is quite different.
I feel more defensive than I used to. I often say, “Well, we aren’t sure. We don’t really know if we want to bring children into this world.”
And deep down, it’s the truth.
My husband and I come together at the close of each day and talk about everything. We chat about the dreams we have for our hobby farm, the shit we dealt with at work, money problems, family scuttlebutt, and also the things that are happening in the world that completely shock us.
Hate, bullying, killing, walls, children killing each other, scams, cancer.
It all infuriates us and encourages us to retreat into each other even more every day. We are hurt by the people around us.
In a way, we may have given up on the human race and decided we don’t want to have our own children go through some of the hell we see every day.
It Doesn’t Make Sense To Some
I’m a teacher, you see. I teach very young children different languages. I love my job, and I love kids. Every day, I finish work feeling like I contributed a little more to society by spending time with children from different cultures; across the universe. So, some of my family and friends cannot understand why I don’t have a gaggle of my own children already.
I still don’t have the urge to have my own children. My family and friends will remind me often of my age, but my husband and I have decided not to let time pressure us. Will we regret it in the future if we don’t have children? Maybe, but we refuse to procreate to prevent possible regret. That’s not fair to a child.
If we wake up one day and one of us longs to grow our family, then our story will change.
And, if it is too late (biologically) there are other ways to grow a family.
We are tired of living a fearful life full of what-ifs and social pressures. For now, we live presently.
So, if I never have children, will you be happy for me?